Darwin Awards

Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water

after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve

his car keys.



Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'

accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot deep hole for protection

from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it

collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used

their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It

took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones

was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital.



Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a

bicycle shop he was burgling. Death was caused when the long flashlight he

had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his

skull as he hit the floor.



Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said

he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull

the trigger.



Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a

man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop

was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired

a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly

returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The

robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene

investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The

subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds

from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.



HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2

am, so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out of the window to see

what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.



RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said

they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle

of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped

along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.



Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had

brought a bungee rope.



Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil

of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg

and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the

cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.



He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two

nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.



AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated

elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs

and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators

say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an

olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.



The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Herr

Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant

continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just

one of those freak accidents that proves... '$hit happens'.



THEY WALK AMONG US....



IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING

THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.